It is a most disconcerting reality that we have always had problems of sexual sin in our lives and in our churches. The scriptures warn incessantly about sexual sin and its sly, deceitful reality within the company of the saved. As far back as Leviticus 18, God spoke through Moses with instructions, prohibitions and warnings about sexual sin of almost every kind. It is but a small modification of instruction that singles out the present-day problem and lays down a clear understanding of God’s attitude toward modern sexual sin.
I mentioned a "Litany of Factors" that contribute to the pandemic of sexual abuse within churches (and I might include other, perceived "safe harbors," such as schools, sports and Scouting), but I only mentioned three of them, specifically:
Then, I confessed that I cannot tell you what THE problem is, beyond saying it is sin. A deeper evaluation of the nature of the problem must be left for more qualified people. If I have any expertise on the subject, it is only as a parent, gospel preacher and one who has dealt with virtually every form of sin in the lives of those whom I have taught for over three decades.
I suggested three specific points for our implementation, both focused on the prevention of and response to sexual abuse in the churches:
In many localities, our individual, family and business schedules are so complicated that Christians are scarcely found in the company of one another. This is a great mistake that is, I believe, leaving us quite vulnerable to worldly influence, if only because it separates us from strong and positive spiritual role models and influence. This suggests that there is not only a congregational aspect to dealing with this problem of sexual abuse, but there is also an individual component that is of paramount importance.
While the very definition of sexual abuse in the churches hinges upon access to opportunities for these crimes (and make no mistake about it, that’s exactly what sexual abuse is), it usually occurs where there is inadequate supervision of our children among those who would perpetrate the violation, or where there is naïve ignorance of the possibility. But, this does not mean that we ought to just become hermit-families, with no contact from outsiders. In fact, if anything, it argues just the opposite, since most sexual abuse occurs either among family members or by trusted family friends.
Christians need to be with Christians, and our children need to be with those who share similar spiritual interests. Our children need to be together so they can form the kinds of close relationships that minimize the opportunities of abuse and even limit the access by those who would commit the violations. Occasions for sexual abuse are private affairs that cannot stand the intense light of others being present. If our children are together, the chances that someone can commit sexual abuse on them are quite remote. And, if such a thing should occur, the presence of others is a strong incentive to full disclosure–you cannot keep quiet what other children see or fear. They will tell every time, if there is a willing and sympathetic ear to listen to them.
This seems like such an obvious point, but you need only to remember times in your own past when you tried to tell something that seemed to you to be of Earth-shaking importance. Do you remember those times when nobody seemed to be willing to listen to you? Do you recall some specific event that you knew was not right, only to be ignored by those you tried to tell?
We need to be listening to our children. We need to be willing to put down whatever we may be doing, from chore to hobby, to listen when children speak. We need to cultivate times of talk and communication that reduce fear in kids and open the doors of discussion about those fears, perceptions and realities. I cannot fail to mention the HUGE contrast between how the disciples perceived children and how Jesus reacted to them. It must have been a matter of great significance to the Holy Spirit, since it is recorded in three of the gospels:
The disciple’s reaction to children: "And they were bringing children to Him so that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked them…" (Mark 10:13)
The reaction of Jesus to the disciple’s and the children: "But when Jesus saw this, He was indignant and said to them, "Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all." And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them" (Mark 10:14-16)
Jesus was displeased at the forbidding actions and words of His disciples. He not only told them He was willing to receive the children, but He also strongly condemned those who would not receive them. And notice what Jesus did: He took them in His arms, He touched them with His hands, and He blessed them. Dare we do less?
But, someone may object, "Jesus made Himself vulnerable by touching the kids, because His actions could have been misinterpreted." Not likely, since the Lord was in the presence of His own disciples, many children, and the parents of the children (cf. Luke 18:15). Actually, the Lord’s actions, in context, are somewhat of a lesson on how we need to act around children: In the company of others, pure motives, and actions with clear meaning.
When young people come with troubling information, we need to realize how important it is to (1) respect what is being told, (2) trust the word of the informant (who may also be the victim), (3) recognize what needs to be kept in confidence and what should be escalated. For example, sometimes a person will ask for confidence and then say, "But, I don’t want you to tell anybody." This is a confidence that should be kept, except when the information conveyed in that conversation is of such nature that emotional, physical or spiritual well-being is threatened. In these cases, the information must be escalated and no person (including the victim) has the right to give you this kind of information while holding you to a confidence.
Wisdom dictates that a young person be encouraged to divulge information about a violation (or attempt) to parents, or even the elders of the church or the preacher, or their wives, or whoever is respected by the child. The child should be accompanied when that information is divulged, and there must be absolute confidence that the child is speaking the truth.
Remember, young children do not just invent this kind of information (although some psychologists and counselors use questionable methods to create prior memories of nonexistent abuse—but that is another topic). Kids need to know that we respect their word and have confidence in them. They need to know that the church and individual Christians will support them, and that we will defend them against all who would damage them.
It is a tragic reality that sexual abuse is happening in our world. It is even more tragic when we, as God’s people, fail to recognize its signs among us or neglect the unique position we are in to preach the truth about sexual sin, support those who are victimized by it, and act with the strength of faith when it arises among us.